SKIN DEEP

senior portraits are in less than a week. why am i so nervous that my pic will come out bad or the fact that i might miraculously turn good looking in time for my 4:45 on september 8th. i have religiously stuck these awful crest white strips on my teeth for 30 minute intervals every morning and night in hopes that my teeth will shine brighter than the sun on picture day. i even stare at myself in the mirror hoping that they wont instruct me on what side of my face to display cuz the flaws are evident. man , its hard being born less than perfect. i found some new songs. im pretty psyched. i like it when i have something other dont. it makes me feel superior, like superiority complex. i might have that. you know what, at my haircut place, there was this frog ornament and i was so scared. its red eyes were fixated on me and it just sent me chills. i dont get why ppl think its wierd that im really scared of frogs. like i even went to wiki and theres a PAGE on the fear of frogs. its called like ranidaphobia (ok i just checked wiki again). im a little bummed. tomorrow everyone will be going to the hillsong concert. as much as i dont want to beleive i care. i really love hillsong. they are good stuff. its okay. i need to do hw cuz labor day weekend was wasted. no it wasnt. i had fun with my friends. thats the most important thing. to have fun! im trying to squeeze as much leisure time possible before my 6-day distance btwn me and my seventeen year old self. what if when im seventeen, i become really boring and bookish and have no friends and hide behind my glasses while reading books like twilight (i dont get why ppl are overly obsessed with that book, i mean seriously, vampires are not cute, hot, romantic, or anything remotely positive). i do have a booklist tho. i want to read my sister's keeper, OMFG so i had my whole list typed out on my phone but stupid me didnt know the context of RESTORE option so i pressed it so all my stuff on my phone is gone. this sucks. i depend on my lists. i kinda have OCD. umm so i dont really remember any of the other books i had interest in.. oh the virgin suicides and middlesex, written by the same person. i want to read a thousand little pieces? i think the one that oprah found out was a hoax, a fake memoir. i like scandals. im excited, all my tv shows are coming back. no mo writers strike. im excited for 90210. did anyone else watch that show? i love the theme song. i hope this new cast is just as good as the regulars. i should really go to sleep. its 1:20 but i had to wait about 30 minutes until these strips were done. beauty comes with a price. right right? yes or else we wouldnt be interested in shows like antm and in celebs. we are shallow ppl deal with it. i currently really like the band the saturdays. they are amazing. can you guys please listen to them. they sing up! and if this is love and issues. and also lady gaga with her song paparazzi and love games besides her famed just dance. and i like battle by colbie caillat. i wish i could play guitar. someone teach me or lend me theirs. kthnx. i really gotta jet. its late. good thing i dont have first. suckerss. peaceout girlscout

HELLO, NEW LIFE

i just shamefully spent a decent hour reading thru people's blogs, xangas, etc. and i must say i almost feel compelled to fill my own blog with everything personal imaginable. i usually don't feel compelled to do anything. i don't feel compelled to do my homework even tho the deadline is sooner than i let my mind rest on and i don't feel compelled to make my mom happy by folding my clothes while spending decent amount of time zoning out to the background noise of whatever i set my channel to. but i almost feel compelled to write in my blog to say the least. i feel compelled to study for SATs so i won't screw up the rest of my highschool life. remember when jojo had that song, too little too late. i remembered i hated it. it was such a typical song that you would hear on AM 131o, thats disney channel radio btw, dont ask why i still keep it stored in my memory. but recently i keep saying that phrase, too little too late and so i went online and checked out the lyrics and tho they may be talking about a relationship standpoint, one that i have not been fortunate enough to be involved in, the meaning is still impactful. btw i use that word a lot,impactful and i dont know why.
oh yeah back to my point, i do feel that a lot of times in my life, it really is too little too late. i want to get good SAT scores, do well academically, be stronger in my walk with God, but for what? sometimes it really is for image. im not that conceited as you guys may think, but i guess everyone has to care about their appeal sometimes right? i do my fair share of looking in the mirror but not narcissistic. why do i try still to get into a college with substantial recognition? ppl dont understand how my grades dont even qualify for like deanza. jaykay i exaggerated. deanza has seriously 100% acceptance rate. i hope i didnt enlarge that fact. my computer dc's a lot
but im very thankful for wireless. thnx john. that was indeed a shoutout.
okay its time to make some ground rules of the year that is approaching.
one, be nice. simply said. or show ppl that i am actually nice, better stated
two, try in school. not try HARDER in school, just try. i dont try. i dont know why. today my mum told me that i dont try because im not motivated in life. it kinda struck me and i must say mother knows best. ill try, i promise and i am not one that likes to break oaths, especially to myself cuz that would be lame.
whats three, keep friendships. i think i lost a lot this year. its not good to use the word lot cuz lot is so ambiguous. but yeah i think its actually a good thing so scratch it from being number 3 on to do list. yknow what i will EDIT my number three rule, MAINTAIN my friendships with friends. those that matter! hey i just lost interest in blogging. iono sudden change in mind. it was fun. i will come back to this when im in china. oh how i am so stoked for this adventure of 33 days. can you read my excitement for reliving all those wondrous moments of oily food and unsanitary conditions. please remind me more. lets end happy. tomorrow is my last day in america. i hope that i will have fun.
yknow what i realized, i try so hard to come up with catchy titles for my entries but im actually not that cool. nice try

CLICHE

the stream runs dry
all is lost in hope
as vanity proves its point
footsteps in the disoriented path
without a trace to imagine
as lapse of time terminates
the beginning of the past

words without meaning reflect
in the shallow pool
colored with black and white
eliminate the pierce
the jab at silence that disturbs
the sole reasoning of life
when first come first serve
ultimately results

cookie cutter picture perfect
mold and lit on fire
united yet detached
believe in false pretenses
the constant struggle
unapproached as frustration
seeps in conquering all
press repeat please

SUGAR COATED

The fear of pain has driven today's society to extreme measures, from the sudden increase of pregnant women ultimately deciding to go thru C-section rather than the natural method, pills with a gilded sweet layer as if the bitterness could be eliminated, and politicians beating around the bush when dealing with topics such as global warming and the war abroad. Probably the biggest painstaking issue is the one that hits closest to home. Everyday, the people you surround yourself with speak only half the truth, filtering the information that might be deemed "too harsh" before they feed you the leftovers. When did people become too sensitive and soft to be able to take the truth for what it is? Does giving half the story account for still being honest? Sugar coated pills may taste good on the exterior but that layer soon flakes off revealing the potent chemicals beneath. Either way, one must douse the pill and swallow thru the pain.

There is a time when fairytales no longer do the job , when only rainbows and butterflies are spewed out and the gory, cut throat reality is omitted. Maybe at a younger age, it is best to leave certain sections out, to preserve their innocence and purity and that what you don't know can't ever hurt you. But that was then and people change. We all age and mature, hopefully learning from our past deeds and maturing as we move along. But sadly, we are still treated as children. It is not like we haven't been exposed to diseases like cancer and AIDs and deaths before. As if its any surprise, news is constantly aired on television. Let me make my own decisions. Tell it like it is. I do not need any more of this wimpy made-up story so that I can feel better about myself. When did the truth become so taboo in our society? Does slipping a little white lie consult to a person feeling truly better about themselves? Maybe for a while, but the truth always comes out and when it does, it only strikes harder than before. Artificial sweeteners like Splenda do more harm than any benefit. They might make the taste better but in reality, denigrates. Bittersweet

DOORBELLS

Every house has its door, connecting that of the inside to the world on the outside. In some places, even before one is allowed to encounter the door, they must first face the fence, the gate, that guards the property, offers safety and protects the privacy of an individual. Every house has a door, the medium between the mind and reality. Some doors are composed of fine wood, others metal or glass, and even some of unknown substance only identifiable by the house's owner himself. What are doors for? To keep those on the outside out and those inside to remain in. A door contains a lock, only to be open with the turn of a key, the right key that fits into the compartment and allows one to enter into within. Some places even offer doormats, to bring a sense of greeting, a welcoming to guests that leave, remove parts of who they are at the door in order to get to know one a little more personally.

Usually, juxtaposed to the door is the doorbell, a neat electronic mechanism that sounds, causing a technical tune to be emitted from within, letting one inside know of the guests waiting patiently on the other side. But if the doorbell was to be broken, they always have the solution of knocking on the door, clenching their hands and tapping on the door in a rhythmic fashion, until one is informed and rushes to the door, unlocking the hatch to guide those inside. But for those at the door that never realize the doorbell malfunctioned, they continue pressing on it, foolishly hoping that the one inside will realize and notice them waiting patiently. Those with a lack of, will give up, walk away from the door, never turning back.

For houses without doors, a house is still a house;a haven, a place of comfortability, seclusion, independence, privacy, an attachment. Even without a boundary structure to hold unwanted guests to enter, trespassers always break through, disturbing the peace one has created, the structure one has designed. The doorbell is no longer necessary without a door, the invisible portal can no longer regulate who stays in and who stays out. But those that have been welcomed in before unlike strangers that walk in and out of the homes, respect one's and choose to wait on the other side, until the one inside realizes that all this time, they have never left their side. On the other hand, maybe the doorbell is useless, the ring is just of a nuisance, an unnecessary gadget that can be omitted. Maybe, the door was never locked in the first place, just took for one to acknowledge. Nonetheless, a doorbell is useless without the unfastening of the lock.

DISTORTION

eyes are for one to see, to observe to assume and to object, to finalize and conclude, to judge and to pretend. sometimes what you see is not what you get. the long unwinding path you believe leads you to the light you so distantly perceive. your eyes play tricks on your mind, manipulating and diverting the reality into something surreal. and the light up ahead no longer seems any closer to the goal you once placed. how easily do people finalize with their eyes, the verdict of the end. Lets just say that the eyes can be deceiving. and maybe reading this is just another misleading path. good luck figuring that one out. maybe its not even glasses you need, maybe its the naive ignorance. there are always two sides to a paper, two sides to a story, many ways to orally transfer the gist.

those that learn to incorporate both their vision and their knowledge can filter information through their mouths in a dialect that is completely honest and trusted are those that rise to the occasion. words without meaning, speaking without thinking, qualities only dolls retain. and dolls are used for entertainment, to play with, to control, to operate, to disfigure. sooner or later, they will be tossed to the side, cast forever to be replaced by a new toy. thats the harsh reality. one little slip up and you become worthless. the doll hid behind its face, the only face it knew how to make. the mask it adorned. and spoke the few sentences it only knew how to utter. and the doll was passed around, spilling its information around until it became no more. without thought, without processing thru the brain, the eyes can only see and infer, never finalize.

your eyes tell you what you want, but control of the brain you lack. those that believe they are the top experience the hardest falls

WHEN REALITY HITS

i watch tv, i vie for the drama and the scandals. thats what makes things entertaining . but only when its not me. i try to evade it from my own personal life. but lately, life has become the best prime time soap opera there is. just like the actors on screen, everyone plays their part so well. we have the damsel in distress, the cute naive chracter that everyone adores and cares for. but inside she entails her feelings and once who she is becomes who other ppl see, will she still be the sweetheart that everyone loves? no one is ever that simple. its all an act. then we have her friend, who plays the supporting role. but do not be alarmed for this friend plays multiple positions but no matter what, she remains on the sidelines. who cares for the secondaries. oh but wait, maybe it is her time to shine for what we may uncover is her best trait ever, her uncanny ability to lie straight to everyone's faces, the precedent to the start of another storyline. Finally, she has her time to shine, shine with all the lies she can hide behind that aloof, calm, collected composure. and when everything unravels, will she still be as stoic as she plays? we will just have to wait and see now do we.

next in line is the hero, the one everyone can relate to, the one that when danger surfaces, whisks off to save the day. though he may seem like a caretaker, a provider, maybe he is not all that charitable, maybe it is more directed at trying to gain the approval of the girl he has his eyes on. and when that girl gives him the smallest ounce of gratitude, the rest of the world becomes nothing more to him as his mind narrows down to only her. how sweet, how kind. every superhero has his weakness. what is his? that would just spoil the whole plot. the hero's faithful companion is every man's best friend, his dog. this dog is always expected to follow his nose, find the buried treasure, the hidden evidence, anything that would be exciting or entertaining. its not really him whos dragging the hero along, its the owner that has the leash on the dog. the dog may walk off but the leash places limits, barriers. and one day loyalty wont be so important to this dog anymore, breaking from his identity, or rather the role that everyone believes suits him best. dogs are always inferior to humans, always positioned as pets, having guardians. and one day that collar will just be too tight, strangling the dog and leaving him to be or maybe the leash will tear, releasing the dog to go who he so oughts to go, wandering wherever he so wants to. but that is not his want to be a stray, an abandoned puppy-eyed dog. He wants to return home, to comfortability but for what reasons? to be kicked around and forgotten again? better than nothing right. neglect is always better than feigned sympathy.

the sweetheart's competition, the pageant queen has it all or rather she believes she shines the brightest in comparison to those around her. she waves her hand with that plastic smile fixated on her face, her eyes surfacing the world, without any hint of feeling or meaning. her cold distant persona can turn warm and friendly but her busy schedule forces her to set her priorities. maybe her pageantry answers are idealistic but never realistic. maybe she likes to take on the position of peacemaker, conflict settler but that is not her position to be. she should just stay on her pedestal, looking down on those beneath her, wearing the crown she has awarded herself. so you may wonder why does the sweetheart and miss america dislike each other? maybe its not dislike, maybe not hate, but simply a drift. neither have time for the other to understand them, to even get close to. like two puzzle pieces that do not fit. last but not least are our favorites, the two carefree, laid back goofs that provide the humor for this show. they make the dumbest decisions in the world usually ending up in bad consequences and punishments later on. it may be all fun and games, but what is their motive behind the crap that they do? who knows. maybe its to let ppl know that they are hxc. they are the shit. the real deal. simply badass. just that they are the only ones that believe so. everyone just view them as losers, posers, wannabes. wait till they find out the truth.

sounds pretty entertaining to me. i guarantee you will not want to miss a second of this new hit drama. but do not say i did not warn you if you want to get involved. the crap they come up with on this show may seem so farfetched and surreal but it hits closer to home than you would expect. it might even be more truthful than reality tv. or maybe one day, you will learn to take the remote and switch the channel cancelling the show all together. now wouldn't that be something.