its december already. how fast one year flies by. today's britney spears' twenty-seventh birthday. she is the perfect epitome of the comeback. with her life heavily scrutinized by the public media, watching her rise to stardom in the late 90s to her breakdown spiral into chaos, she has finally emerged back on top. hopefully, this year, the eagles wont steal her title of number one album. as much as people hate to admit, she's back. she's better than ever, and she's here to stay.
this song's not on the album but i particularly like it. listen to the lyrics. they mean something. it never struck me how much my life will change after this year. everything from my environment, my friends, and most importantly, myself. need i forget, its december. bring on the cold.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
UP UP AND AWAY
this week
i lost my stats book
i lost my roll of film
i lost my composure
i lost my friend's trust
i lost my friend
i lost my stats book
i lost my roll of film
i lost my composure
i lost my friend's trust
i lost my friend
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
TURNING LEAVES
Looking back at my prior posts, I noticed how I used to apply ample time modifying and tweaking my post with snazzy artistic photos and clever titles to add an aesthetic feel to my entry. I also have reached a realization to how poor my grammar was and the lack of punctuation in my sentences. Maybe, I was heading for a sort of informal, colloquial feel to my writing but that would just come off as a pathetic excuse.
So, going with the seasons, Fall happens to be the time of change, when we wave goodbye to summer breeze, the warmth and ability to walk outside with a simple t-shirt and shorts, docked with some flip-flops. See an end to the surmounting heat from the UV rays that burn our skin cells and the cool machine-generated winds of the AC slipping through our vents. And as soon as we say our goodbyes, we are welcomed with the shift in climate as no longer are we able to enjoy the liberties of one layers and the lack of daylight thanks to our dear Ben Franklin and his more than applicable day-light saving. The leaves lose their healthy green in exchange for a crisp new red coat and the significant change in the return of prime-time television! As for me, I think looking into the future might just be a change that would fit this period. And in similarities, I do refer to how in both cases, neither seems to have a bright end until spring returns.
At times, I question my abilities and talents, the accomplishments I achieved in my seventeen years existing. My lack of security explains the hardships in completing a brag sheet, or a resume where I completely lack in pride or ability to boast righteously about myself. Instead, to avoid such deeds, I indulge myself with the usual YouTube searches, browsing of new music, tuning into the latest programs, and the latest dirt in pop culture; basically equating to a lifestyle of a vegetable.
Today, I snapped my first roll of film independently, all 24 pictures, disregarding one which I allowed my friend to take. It was quite satisfactory pretending to be all artsy fartsy during the time I strapped the SLR to my neck. From pictures of stairs to telephone wires, I was quite amazed at how indulging it was to see through the lens of a camera. I cannot say that the human eye is not already a phenomenal aspect but man, just looking through those fine lens is a quite a sight. At times, i felt foolish for squatting over like an old asian fob, trying to work the camera and other times, taking forever to adjust the f-stop and aperture to create the perfect shot.
But at last, none of these things seem to impact my life more than Blockles. It is my current joy and passion and as I am typing away, I am in the midst of a game of intense tetris where sabotage is not chastised and where conniving tactics results to victory. I only have the ability to write here due to my third place landing. Playing against siblings is probably never a smart thing to do.
So, going with the seasons, Fall happens to be the time of change, when we wave goodbye to summer breeze, the warmth and ability to walk outside with a simple t-shirt and shorts, docked with some flip-flops. See an end to the surmounting heat from the UV rays that burn our skin cells and the cool machine-generated winds of the AC slipping through our vents. And as soon as we say our goodbyes, we are welcomed with the shift in climate as no longer are we able to enjoy the liberties of one layers and the lack of daylight thanks to our dear Ben Franklin and his more than applicable day-light saving. The leaves lose their healthy green in exchange for a crisp new red coat and the significant change in the return of prime-time television! As for me, I think looking into the future might just be a change that would fit this period. And in similarities, I do refer to how in both cases, neither seems to have a bright end until spring returns.
At times, I question my abilities and talents, the accomplishments I achieved in my seventeen years existing. My lack of security explains the hardships in completing a brag sheet, or a resume where I completely lack in pride or ability to boast righteously about myself. Instead, to avoid such deeds, I indulge myself with the usual YouTube searches, browsing of new music, tuning into the latest programs, and the latest dirt in pop culture; basically equating to a lifestyle of a vegetable.
Today, I snapped my first roll of film independently, all 24 pictures, disregarding one which I allowed my friend to take. It was quite satisfactory pretending to be all artsy fartsy during the time I strapped the SLR to my neck. From pictures of stairs to telephone wires, I was quite amazed at how indulging it was to see through the lens of a camera. I cannot say that the human eye is not already a phenomenal aspect but man, just looking through those fine lens is a quite a sight. At times, i felt foolish for squatting over like an old asian fob, trying to work the camera and other times, taking forever to adjust the f-stop and aperture to create the perfect shot.
But at last, none of these things seem to impact my life more than Blockles. It is my current joy and passion and as I am typing away, I am in the midst of a game of intense tetris where sabotage is not chastised and where conniving tactics results to victory. I only have the ability to write here due to my third place landing. Playing against siblings is probably never a smart thing to do.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
AFTER THE RAIN
you know that feeling, when you have that lump in your throat, that pain in your stomach, and you want to let it out, but you dont know how to? and the only deed you can take is to let it release from your eyes, trying in vain to remove the thoughts and images responsible for your current status. and after youre done, nothing has changed, the problem is still unresolved, the anger is still in your eyes, the pain is still culminating within.
it rained last night. today, the clouds were scattered, the skies blue, the air an unprecedented clear, freshness. but that only undermines the black grey clouds that will soon appear, pouring down on the world and reestablishing the dull murky feel one attains from watching the raindrops splatter against the window. but for that brief time, when the skies are parted, when the clouds, their marshmellow fluff look, we beleive that something will be good of this day, not stopping to think to plan out the future. and before you know it, your day ends with thunder and lightning, a heavy storm blowing the trees left and right and shaking the house in all directions. its still a crappy day.
and then there's other days when you cast your eyes up above, watching the flock of geese migrate to warmer destinations. how free and uninhibited they seem, gliding in the skies that offer so many possibilities and endless unboundedness. we, as kids, always wanted the power of flight, to soar and be liberal. but thats childs thinking. we as humans, far too intelligent for our own selves always set goals that will never be accomplished, projects that will end up half finished, and ideas that lead to nowhere. we offer remedies as planes or sky scrapers to imitate the heights of flight, but in the end, its only a substitute. a cheap prototype of the real deal that can only be half assed.
but people rather see sunshine than gloomy overcasting clouds. no one likes to be showered upon by pouring rain, even under an umbrella. the cold damp feel may bring temporary satisfaction to some, splashing in the puddles and running wildly, soaking up their faces in a shortlived joy. then, they must face the outcomes of getting wet and cold, resulting in sickness, their soaked clothes hanging to dry, and the feeling of tissues against your wet nose. so in the end, rain is no good, sunshine is all we see. and that rainbow offers a promise. one that applies to each one of us, yet so easily disregarded. the sun, as we note, brings light, energy, and heat. so for all of us, lets reflect that shine, as superficial and unwanting it might be. its what the world wants to see. only what the world beleives is important.
it rained last night. today, the clouds were scattered, the skies blue, the air an unprecedented clear, freshness. but that only undermines the black grey clouds that will soon appear, pouring down on the world and reestablishing the dull murky feel one attains from watching the raindrops splatter against the window. but for that brief time, when the skies are parted, when the clouds, their marshmellow fluff look, we beleive that something will be good of this day, not stopping to think to plan out the future. and before you know it, your day ends with thunder and lightning, a heavy storm blowing the trees left and right and shaking the house in all directions. its still a crappy day.
and then there's other days when you cast your eyes up above, watching the flock of geese migrate to warmer destinations. how free and uninhibited they seem, gliding in the skies that offer so many possibilities and endless unboundedness. we, as kids, always wanted the power of flight, to soar and be liberal. but thats childs thinking. we as humans, far too intelligent for our own selves always set goals that will never be accomplished, projects that will end up half finished, and ideas that lead to nowhere. we offer remedies as planes or sky scrapers to imitate the heights of flight, but in the end, its only a substitute. a cheap prototype of the real deal that can only be half assed.
but people rather see sunshine than gloomy overcasting clouds. no one likes to be showered upon by pouring rain, even under an umbrella. the cold damp feel may bring temporary satisfaction to some, splashing in the puddles and running wildly, soaking up their faces in a shortlived joy. then, they must face the outcomes of getting wet and cold, resulting in sickness, their soaked clothes hanging to dry, and the feeling of tissues against your wet nose. so in the end, rain is no good, sunshine is all we see. and that rainbow offers a promise. one that applies to each one of us, yet so easily disregarded. the sun, as we note, brings light, energy, and heat. so for all of us, lets reflect that shine, as superficial and unwanting it might be. its what the world wants to see. only what the world beleives is important.
Monday, October 27, 2008
SOMETIMES
sometimes, i want to tell you what a dumbass you really are and how ludicrous and ridiculous your reasoning comes off as. sometimes, im saving you from further embarassment by telling ppl to stfu when they talk shit that you just bring upon yourself. sometimes, i dont understand why i persist in being so good to you. sometimes, i know i have the potential to destruct your life and have everything turned against you. sometimes, i rather be elsewhere instead of sitting there quietly next to you sulk and gloom. but everytime, i don't, everytime, i just let it pass, passiveness is not weak. its smart. everytime, i keep it in, tho on the verge of exploding. everytime, you don't even realize. everytime, i try looking out for you. i just wish you would do the same.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
SKIN DEEP
senior portraits are in less than a week. why am i so nervous that my pic will come out bad or the fact that i might miraculously turn good looking in time for my 4:45 on september 8th. i have religiously stuck these awful crest white strips on my teeth for 30 minute intervals every morning and night in hopes that my teeth will shine brighter than the sun on picture day. i even stare at myself in the mirror hoping that they wont instruct me on what side of my face to display cuz the flaws are evident. man , its hard being born less than perfect. i found some new songs. im pretty psyched. i like it when i have something other dont. it makes me feel superior, like superiority complex. i might have that. you know what, at my haircut place, there was this frog ornament and i was so scared. its red eyes were fixated on me and it just sent me chills. i dont get why ppl think its wierd that im really scared of frogs. like i even went to wiki and theres a PAGE on the fear of frogs. its called like ranidaphobia (ok i just checked wiki again). im a little bummed. tomorrow everyone will be going to the hillsong concert. as much as i dont want to beleive i care. i really love hillsong. they are good stuff. its okay. i need to do hw cuz labor day weekend was wasted. no it wasnt. i had fun with my friends. thats the most important thing. to have fun! im trying to squeeze as much leisure time possible before my 6-day distance btwn me and my seventeen year old self. what if when im seventeen, i become really boring and bookish and have no friends and hide behind my glasses while reading books like twilight (i dont get why ppl are overly obsessed with that book, i mean seriously, vampires are not cute, hot, romantic, or anything remotely positive). i do have a booklist tho. i want to read my sister's keeper, OMFG so i had my whole list typed out on my phone but stupid me didnt know the context of RESTORE option so i pressed it so all my stuff on my phone is gone. this sucks. i depend on my lists. i kinda have OCD. umm so i dont really remember any of the other books i had interest in.. oh the virgin suicides and middlesex, written by the same person. i want to read a thousand little pieces? i think the one that oprah found out was a hoax, a fake memoir. i like scandals. im excited, all my tv shows are coming back. no mo writers strike. im excited for 90210. did anyone else watch that show? i love the theme song. i hope this new cast is just as good as the regulars. i should really go to sleep. its 1:20 but i had to wait about 30 minutes until these strips were done. beauty comes with a price. right right? yes or else we wouldnt be interested in shows like antm and in celebs. we are shallow ppl deal with it. i currently really like the band the saturdays. they are amazing. can you guys please listen to them. they sing up! and if this is love and issues. and also lady gaga with her song paparazzi and love games besides her famed just dance. and i like battle by colbie caillat. i wish i could play guitar. someone teach me or lend me theirs. kthnx. i really gotta jet. its late. good thing i dont have first. suckerss. peaceout girlscout
Sunday, July 13, 2008
HELLO, NEW LIFE
i just shamefully spent a decent hour reading thru people's blogs, xangas, etc. and i must say i almost feel compelled to fill my own blog with everything personal imaginable. i usually don't feel compelled to do anything. i don't feel compelled to do my homework even tho the deadline is sooner than i let my mind rest on and i don't feel compelled to make my mom happy by folding my clothes while spending decent amount of time zoning out to the background noise of whatever i set my channel to. but i almost feel compelled to write in my blog to say the least. i feel compelled to study for SATs so i won't screw up the rest of my highschool life. remember when jojo had that song, too little too late. i remembered i hated it. it was such a typical song that you would hear on AM 131o, thats disney channel radio btw, dont ask why i still keep it stored in my memory. but recently i keep saying that phrase, too little too late and so i went online and checked out the lyrics and tho they may be talking about a relationship standpoint, one that i have not been fortunate enough to be involved in, the meaning is still impactful. btw i use that word a lot,impactful and i dont know why.
oh yeah back to my point, i do feel that a lot of times in my life, it really is too little too late. i want to get good SAT scores, do well academically, be stronger in my walk with God, but for what? sometimes it really is for image. im not that conceited as you guys may think, but i guess everyone has to care about their appeal sometimes right? i do my fair share of looking in the mirror but not narcissistic. why do i try still to get into a college with substantial recognition? ppl dont understand how my grades dont even qualify for like deanza. jaykay i exaggerated. deanza has seriously 100% acceptance rate. i hope i didnt enlarge that fact. my computer dc's a lot
but im very thankful for wireless. thnx john. that was indeed a shoutout.
okay its time to make some ground rules of the year that is approaching.
one, be nice. simply said. or show ppl that i am actually nice, better stated
two, try in school. not try HARDER in school, just try. i dont try. i dont know why. today my mum told me that i dont try because im not motivated in life. it kinda struck me and i must say mother knows best. ill try, i promise and i am not one that likes to break oaths, especially to myself cuz that would be lame.
whats three, keep friendships. i think i lost a lot this year. its not good to use the word lot cuz lot is so ambiguous. but yeah i think its actually a good thing so scratch it from being number 3 on to do list. yknow what i will EDIT my number three rule, MAINTAIN my friendships with friends. those that matter! hey i just lost interest in blogging. iono sudden change in mind. it was fun. i will come back to this when im in china. oh how i am so stoked for this adventure of 33 days. can you read my excitement for reliving all those wondrous moments of oily food and unsanitary conditions. please remind me more. lets end happy. tomorrow is my last day in america. i hope that i will have fun.
yknow what i realized, i try so hard to come up with catchy titles for my entries but im actually not that cool. nice try
oh yeah back to my point, i do feel that a lot of times in my life, it really is too little too late. i want to get good SAT scores, do well academically, be stronger in my walk with God, but for what? sometimes it really is for image. im not that conceited as you guys may think, but i guess everyone has to care about their appeal sometimes right? i do my fair share of looking in the mirror but not narcissistic. why do i try still to get into a college with substantial recognition? ppl dont understand how my grades dont even qualify for like deanza. jaykay i exaggerated. deanza has seriously 100% acceptance rate. i hope i didnt enlarge that fact. my computer dc's a lot
but im very thankful for wireless. thnx john. that was indeed a shoutout.
okay its time to make some ground rules of the year that is approaching.
one, be nice. simply said. or show ppl that i am actually nice, better stated
two, try in school. not try HARDER in school, just try. i dont try. i dont know why. today my mum told me that i dont try because im not motivated in life. it kinda struck me and i must say mother knows best. ill try, i promise and i am not one that likes to break oaths, especially to myself cuz that would be lame.
whats three, keep friendships. i think i lost a lot this year. its not good to use the word lot cuz lot is so ambiguous. but yeah i think its actually a good thing so scratch it from being number 3 on to do list. yknow what i will EDIT my number three rule, MAINTAIN my friendships with friends. those that matter! hey i just lost interest in blogging. iono sudden change in mind. it was fun. i will come back to this when im in china. oh how i am so stoked for this adventure of 33 days. can you read my excitement for reliving all those wondrous moments of oily food and unsanitary conditions. please remind me more. lets end happy. tomorrow is my last day in america. i hope that i will have fun.
yknow what i realized, i try so hard to come up with catchy titles for my entries but im actually not that cool. nice try
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