RESUMMATION

RANT:
The first week at a community college overcrowded with foreign international students who cram all possible course selection mixed in with my newly acquired job comes out to be the perfect ingredients to a recipe of disaster. Not only did I find myself frantically speeding down 280 back and forth btwn Foothill and DeAnza in any means of attaining a class with a sympathetic-enough professor who would grant me the add code, but showing up at work to face Shefaali, my middle-aged Indian manager who could only be summed up as one of the most sordid, money-swindling people you will meet. Though this might be somewhat of a fabrication, my detest of her could possibly stem from having to hear her utter any order or direction in her heavy accent equivalent to sitting through a Bollywood film festival or Slumdog Millionaire on repeat.

OBSERVE&REPORT:
The lady who gave me my flu shot was named Vera FAGOT
The skater sitting to my right in Calc released a strong weed stench
Apparently, De Anza and Foothill maybe sister colleges
but do not share the same placement tests
The effects of global warming has resulted in Cupertino overheating
I watched Jennifer's Body and tried noticing Megan Fox's thumb

TVWATCHLIST:
GG (yes, it's decently amusing and I can relate to Blair)
90210 (tho Annie's makeup artist must be out sick with the swine flu or something)
Glee (hopefully, their musical numbers will be of better song choices)
ANTM (team korean beauty suffering tosis in her left eye)
The Office (can anyone say it's not written well?)
Modern Family (i laugh a lot)
Desperate Housewives (Mike picks Susan, it's a guarantee)
Survivor (he got the hidden immunity idol already...)
Amazing Race (always a winner)
Community (just cuz i love anything with ken jeong)

REMORSE

Lately, I feel really bitter. I think I grasp reality too well and I get ticked off when others around me seem so optimistic and airy. Today I was really bored. I want something new in my life. Yesterday, the speaker at my church's youth group mentioned on how negative change was. I believe otherwise. Why don't I trust my own abilities and just learn to think independently without others' feedback? I mean, I myself give plenty of opinions yet I live on assurance from my peers. It's not ideal. Snow retreat is coming up. I'm almost scared to see the day coming. Not entirely in a bad sense but just that certain scenarios will happen that I won't be too keen of. If you have not noticed, I like things going my way and if they don't go as planned, I get pretty pissed off. So conclusively, I think I'm telling myself I need to learn to be alone. Or just try finding a new venue to feed my angst, also known as a job.

REMARK

Two days ago, I typed in my name into Google and one of the results was my very outdated Myspace account which I haven't accessed since sophomore year. It was quite amusing looking at my pictures and at who graced my top 8. What happened to Myspace? Regardless, I took the liberty of deactivating my account to eliminate all traces of my embarrassment.

REGRET

It's alright. You don't even have to bother reminding me. Somedays are better than others. Somedays, I receive the attention and concern. But most of the time, it's out of last resort or safety. Whatever may come my way, I shall take it for what it is and nothing more. It frustrates me how I continue trying in vain, hoping one day it all pays back. I'm still waiting for that day to come then. Today, I took my Christmas tree down. My house hosted it for a little over a month. At first, walking past my living room, the brightly lit ornament captured my sight each time. As each day past, the setting became evermore common and I slowly paid less attention to the tree and decor. On Christmas Day, I paid tribute to it. I sat and played some festive Christmas songs as well. But that was it. Nothing more. Today, we took it down. Before we bought it, I suggested my family purchase a fake one so it was more portable and reusable. Against my wishes, my parentals went out and bought a real one. Relocating the tree, a huge mirky water stain left its mark on our white carpet. Forever a memory, moreso a reminder. Therefore, I stated to my mother that if she were to have taken my advise and bought a pseudo replica from Sear's or something, that stain would not be apparent. Instead of each year getting replaced, we would opt for a more sturdy reliable one that never loses its shape or form. I think my mom was unmoved.

RECOLLECTION

today is wednesday, january 7th, 2008.
im pretty sure one knows that already.
today was pretty ordinary, but filled with some peculiar events.
i went to school, typical.
at school, i was trailed constantly throughout the day by this orange ski jacket wearing asian boy who could barely utter an ounce of proper english and does not believe in the utility of a razor.
furthermore, he persistently believes him and me are friends and does not appear the bit bothered by my seemingly apparent neglectance of his existence. this would register as peculiar.
in physio, we practiced CPR. it was awkward to say the least. i guess im not used to people, even regular friends to place their hands on my waist and push me. not sure where to classify this one under. strange.
afterschool, i went and got a haircut. i wasn't sure how i preferred my hair but i was certain i was not a fan of the heaviness and the thickness of it. therefore, i asked my barber who, fyi, does not understand english and only operates with mandarin, posingquite a challenge. i told him initially to cut it inch by inch so i could oversee the procedure. however, the first cut set the tone for the rest of the trimming as my hair progressively got shorter and shorter, chunk by chunk.in the end, i came out of it looking like a fobby little kid with a tuft of hair irregularly blocking my right eye's vision. unique
i also turned in my panera application to the manager who gave me a stink eye and the elevator glance. that was a good sign. surprising
i come home and take a long shower. i had lots to think about. common
i sit down for dinner. my mom passes angry stares towards my ambivalent dad who just looks down at his salad. afterward, my mom calls a family meeting. i sit and listen to them "talk" back and forth for two hours. ordinary
my sister invites her boyfriend to our house, yet again. ordinary.
cept this time she makes a phone call to her friend and places herself on our kitchen counter, chatting away for a good half an hour or so as her boyfriend flips thru the channels. i guess he was so bored that he came by to tell me the pear my mom had sliced for me was ready.
i get a fb message from this girl who i dont really communicate with. she has been in my 9th grade spanish class and this year's photo class. she adds me to one of her fb notes about leaving an impact on her life. i was quite unaware of this. i dont know her well. i dont talk to her much. yet she thinks i left a mark in her life? i dont know what to think. i guess i should feel honored.
i found some toesocks in my drawers. they are pretty heretical. im at home. i should be comfortable.
i have christmas presents yet to buy, wrap, and deliver.
i would call this belated.
tomorrow is thursday, january 8th.
its eventful. i know it. even if it tries to not be, i really hope it is.

OVER AND OVER AGAIN

Let's face it. No one enjoys failure. If we had the choice, the obviously pick would to not to fail. No brainer. But knowing that situations either go well or they result in the opposite, why are we wired to handle failing so poorly? As intellectual individuals, top of the world, shouldn't we know there holds a 50/50 chance that the outcome won't be positive? And yet, once it strikes, it hits us hard. Time and time again, I tell myself that it's perfectly normal to not always succeed. Its not like my history has been spotlessly slated, polished and refined with no black marks. Yes, many instances prior, I have failed. Yet, each time an event does not go towards my favor, I hold it against myself. Funny thing is, when college results come out, I wonder how I will respond.

NEVER A QUITTER

its december already. how fast one year flies by. today's britney spears' twenty-seventh birthday. she is the perfect epitome of the comeback. with her life heavily scrutinized by the public media, watching her rise to stardom in the late 90s to her breakdown spiral into chaos, she has finally emerged back on top. hopefully, this year, the eagles wont steal her title of number one album. as much as people hate to admit, she's back. she's better than ever, and she's here to stay.

this song's not on the album but i particularly like it. listen to the lyrics. they mean something. it never struck me how much my life will change after this year. everything from my environment, my friends, and most importantly, myself. need i forget, its december. bring on the cold.